Even been challenged by your buddy on the size of your shit? Well there is a solution. enter the the couric:

The Couric - A unit of measure for fecal matter. One Couric is equal to approximately two and a half pounds of excrement. (From South Park season 11, episode 9.)

Ex. Randy Marsh took a crap weighing 8.6 courics, beating the previous world record of 7.5 courics

Now the solution is simple, you can refer to size of your shit in Courics, or heaven forbid Kilocourics!